8 Types of Commit Messages That Show He's NOT the Man for You

It’s every woman’s worst nightmare.

Sep 03, 2019
development, satire, - Sep 03, 2019

8 Types of Commit Messages That Show He's NOT the Man for You

It’s every woman’s worst nightmare.

The date is going fine. He likes your favorite language. He contributes to open source. He even claims to comment his code and write sensible test cases. “Is this the one?”, you ask yourself as you gaze dreamily onto his laptop stickers.

But then you go home and you check out his Github repos. And that’s when you see it…

1. “Fixed it”


If his commit messages are less descriptive than your great aunt Maurie detailing her cat’s latest bowel movement, then he needs to be upping his documentation game. Thank you, next.

a disgruntled cat
Yes nana, Mr. Whiskers is definitely the sweetest. No nana, I'm not dating Greg anymore.

2. “Misc bug fixes”

No one is such a busy coder that they can’t take the time to make separate commit messages for separate fixes. If he has time to get into React vs Angular arguments on Twitter, then he has the time to write a decent commit message.

3. “Working on [feature]” 20 times in a row

I get it. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and his app wasn’t built in a single commit. But if he can write his commit message by just tapping the up arrow key in his CLI a couple of times, then sorry girl, your prince is in another castle. Moving on.

an up arrow key from a keyboard
The programming world's most overused key - second only to the space. Tabs 4eva.

4. “More code”

As opposed to less code - which is definitely something this dude should try. Urgh. Next!

5. “Added tests.”

See that character at the end? Normally when stray periods ruin commitments, there’s at least a baby shower involved. No cake here. Moving on.

a cake with the text 'he or she - cut and see'
Congratulations! It's.... the end of your career.

6. Some stupidly long Shakespearean retelling of his bug fixes

shakespeare, but with the 'ackchyually' face
Dost thou ackchyually?

Guess what, Dante? Commit messages are meant to be short. I haven’t read a novel this boring since Samantha asked me to review her 50 Shades fanfic. If he can’t even write readable commit messages, imagine what his comments must look like.

Sure, sometimes a commit warrants a longer explanation. But keep the drama out of the subject line - that should be under 50 characters.

7. “Changed X to Y”

Uhm, duh. What does he think a diff file is for? How about you try actually telling us why you changed X to Y?


I give up.

a gif of a woman crumpling paper and walking away

Disclaimer: any typos in the above post are caused by bit flips and are not my fault.
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